I went out today and I’m not sure I’m doing ok.

First up, let’s make it clear that I’m not making a medical claim here. This afternoon, I went to the grocery store, with a short list, and I didn’t like being there. Now, let me tell you why.

So, I don’t like traveling much. Last trip to Boston, on monday evening, all I had to do was completed and I forced myself to sleep at the hotel rather than get in my car and drive the 6 hours back home. Last trip to Chicago, I was very drained from the marathon but if it wasn’t for my wife, we wouldn’t have spent more time in the Windy City. Don’t get me wrong, staying an extra day wasn’t a torture, but I felt out of place. My place is home.

When I applied for a position of Project Manager within my organization, some people told me “You’ll have to travel” and my answer was “I know, it’s part of the job”. I think, while i’m away, as long as I have a purpose for being there, I’m ok. At least, that is what I had in mind. But today’s trip to the grocery store, by myself, for 30-45 minutes created a doubt.

Even before entering the store, I felt the out-of-placeness that I had after my marathon in Chicago, and the one in Boston by myself. I mean, I was there with a mission and I’m rational enough to get things done when they need to get done.

Most of the last 10 days were spent home and I am not sure it’s doing me any good. I miss the office, talking with Laurent, my noon running routine, seeing people. I don’t think I like social interaction that much but I’m fear the social getting more awkward and me feeling even more inapt at it. Very trivial and self-centered, yes, but let me project this into the future.

I’ll travel to Germany in September for an incredible adventure on the old continent. I’ll be running the marathon there and I’d like to enjoy the adventure more than feeling it as an conflict between my rational and my emotional. Let’s be clear, I’ll go and I’ll go through the journey, there is no doubt on that, but I’d like it to be fun, in some way.

Maybe it’s only getting late, maybe I’m just tired, can normal life resume now ?