Maybe my last – Doubts and reflexion

Yeah, I’m thinking about it.

Boston marathon is one short weeks away and I am wondering and evaluating.  Don’t get me wrong, I like running, in the summer, under the sun and rain, in warmth.  This winter training did put my will under a lot.  I managed to do good and I am satisfied with the current state of things. My actual concern is much different.

My girlfriend is not running, she does not enjoy the gym, she likes her job. There is nothing deeply wrong with that.  She is into something I cannot help her with (work) and I’m into running which she has no interest in.  And she tried, she registered with the running room groups, ran with the group, a few training each weeks.  She took part in a 5k race, struggled but made it through. I’ll probably always remember that race, it was a hot day, and it was hard on her. I stayed by her side, carried the water, until the end when she gave all she had for the final sprint.  I let her go ahead and finish while I took the last place.  There were no timer, no chip, only our Garmin watches. I was a great moment.

The marathon training cycles are taking time.  Even with the best of intentions, I cannot create more, cannot add, I need to divide my time carefully. I like training, I like seeing the speed gains on my Forerunner. The feeling after a nice training run, after a smooth race, being able to casually say “I ran 13 miles yesterday, it was nice” and not being in pain, just feeling healthy.  But all this takes time and I know that relationships also requires time.

My son just turned 2 years old.  My girlfriend and I are expecting another boy in a few weeks.  We still get along pretty well, we are a good team and we don’t fight much.  But as many couples, we’re transitionning  from “lovers” to “parents”.  Our focus is on the kids, on our responsibilities, forgeting a bit of us in the process. There is nothing wrong in this for a short period of time but the clock is ticking.  Slowly, I fear us drifting apart and I might need to pay more attention to that. I’d rather sacrifice my marathons for my couple.  To me, it’s a fair trade.

There is also the overall house keeping that requires attention.  Some renovations were put on the back-burner and, well they are at a standstill state. Our house is great, there are no major problems with it. But as many houses, there are many small fixes that are needed to make it all great. Those thing need time too, and time is limited. 
For Boston, I’m traveling alone.  I’ll be going in, driving during the night, running the 5k on the morning of my arrival, one day later, the marathon, and drive back home after a quick night. Three nights away at the hotel and I feel like I’m asking a lot. Even tho most of my training happened while the kids were asleep, it is time I was not spending at home.  

The idea of triathlon, of ultra, of pushing further will have to wait. It might be a little disapointing but I think the six star finisher medal will not be hung around my neck, will not be displayed in my living room. I’ll give more attention to “my love”, my kids and “home”.  I think that will be for the best.

I can still run halfs and other short distances. I mean, it will be fun, and relatively easy.  I guess I’ll have to come up with time objectives and other way of feeling I’m pushing myself.  I still keep the target of one marathon per year but since I’ve started, I’ve been going at the rate of one every 6 months.  I think, the next one will either be Montreal 2018, or Chicago, or New York.  Depending on how my luck goes.  My Montreal 2017 will most likely be downgraded to half marathon.

In case some may think so, I’m not in this position because my girlfriend is unsupportive.  That is totally false.  She’s even been pushing me to go run, she knows I like it and she’s happy that I am happy.  My situation right now is more a matter of finding a balance, bring some zen in my life.  Everything peaceful, happy, calm, chilling.  

That’s the next goal.  Now, I’ll need a plan for that!