On fear over weight

I’ve read a blog post and it made me think. I can relate to a certain extend to the fear of going back, to lose all that has been gained. Yes, I am talking of gain. Let me tell you about me.

Until I was 20, I was in a good shape. Being a teen without a driving licence, I was riding my bike a lot. I was active, healthy. Professional life came in, then kids with the dad’s belly followed by several years. I never got very heavy but being a programmer analyst, I sit all day and as year goes, it takes its told. I got to the edge of 200lbs. I never had the scale show me the 200, but it was close; 199. The mid-life crisis was coming on to hit me. For me, my wake up moment came when I ran to catch the subway which might have been a quarter of mile away and I was still panting at the next station. I knew then I had to make a change.

So I began to run. I’ve jogged a bit, then walked. Repeat. I was feeling my tummy giggle (where were my abs gone?). That was hard, humbling, if not self-humiliating. But I kept on. After a few runs, I started to count the amount of walking breaks I needed. The numbers went down and after a few weeks, I was able to go 5km without any breaks. I kept at it, ran races and longer ones and 2 years later, my first marathon. It’s been 3 years since I started and I can now get out and run for fairly long periods of time without being exhausted.

I could say that I lost weight, because, yes, I did, I am now at 180-185lbs. More than that, I gained strength, health, stamina, confidence, pride(sometimes a bit too much). After each marathon I ran, I got so down after, for weeks, I have no drive to go on the streets and run. Do I lose a bit of tempo, of momentum; absolutely. After a month, I feel it when I climb up a few flights of stairs. But time passes, I start back running, and I realize that my body, my muscles are still ready to go. Little rusty but nonetheless good. I know that I won’t get back to the weight I had before because I learned how to shed it. I know the recipe and I can cook that thing and I know that it will work. It did before, and it will again.

I gained so much through running. Most of all, I learned a lot about myself, what I am capable of, what I can go through. My mind is set on staying healthy, and I’m so stubborn. I still have a hard time with the diet part but I burn enough calories to keep that in check. One of the good thing about the weight is that it doesn’t just happen over night. It comes gradually, and once you know yourself and you don’t lie to yourself you can steer that ship toward the good choices when you feel that you’re drifting.

I think of the important thing is that we all evolve in our lives through experiences and events. I am no longer the young man who was able to climb a rope with only my arms, but I ain’t the one who was closing the bars and burning the candle at both ends. I am a much wiser than I used to be. I see life clearly, I see myself as I am (I think). I am never going to fall back as deep as I was. Obviously, I might take a step back, or two. It might happen, but I am moving forward. I am not going back because it is not a path I want to take. This is mostly a matter of choice and my decision has been made.

Fear not, you’ve changed too. You are stronger now. You are not the one you used to be, you got up and now you stand. Keep on thriving and fear not.